To You (III)

I wander around
breathing in your absence
wond'ring where you are

For You

Are you unaware
Or do you frankly not care
You've got hurting me down to an art

And I cry all night
Because try as I might
I cannot heal the hole in my heart

With all of this time
My poems suddenly rhyme
I have have nothing to take me apart

To You (II)

I sit and stare at the screen
failing at this fleeting attempt
to will you to love me
like I love you
I sit and struggle to continue
holding my composure
as I beg you to need me
enough to be mine
I sit and sob like a child
crying for a sympathetic shoulder
to lie her head upon
when nothing less will do

To You

Stop talking and take me
Pull me fast against your skin
Hold me close against your velvet flesh
Support the weight of my body with the strength of your arms
Pull your fingers through my hair
Run them through the tangled strands

Knot yourself in the shock of long, blonde, chaos

Stop talking and kiss me

Strain your lips against mine

Suck the breath from my lungs

Kiss me until there is no air left to breathe

A List of Thirty-Six More Things About Me

1. I keep everything because my mother keeps nothing.
2. I used to collect frog memorabilia but then people stopped getting them for me.
3. I was quicker and more agile than all of my boy friends as a little girl.
4. I wear foundation to bed because I flush easily.
5. I don't believe in "bad people".
6. I cannot answer essay questions in written exams or tests (not because I don't know the answers, I'm simply too lazy to write an essay).
7. I can't handle people who mispronounce words that are easy to pronounce.
8. I think that Scarlett Johannson is the sexiest popular celebrity of my lifetime.
9. I saw the Barenaked Ladies live when I was a small child and I smelled weed for the first time.
10. I like giving blood because I like blood, needles, nurses, and the free cookies afterward.
11. I am still in love with the people I've been in love with in the past, it's just more passive now.
12. I always name my starter Pokemon "Azriel".
13. I used to want to be a serial killer.
14. I get a tingling feeling in my feet when I'm worried for someone else's immediate safety (like when little children are balanced precariously on the top step).
15. I drink my coffee with three milk and one sugar and my tea with one milk.
16. I think arms are the best body part (Michelle Obama's arms make me smile).
17. I cannot say I've honestly hated anyone in my life.
18. I am, according to my boyfriend, a fallen paladin who thinks she's still a paladin.
19. I was going to be named Amanda but my cousin Amanda was born eight months before me.
20. I thought, when I was eleven, that I understood Quantum Mechanics because I'd read "The Dancing Wu Li Masters" by Gary Zukav.
21. I prefer Alphagetti to Zoodles.
22. I had read the entire Lord of the Rings series by my eighth birthday (had no idea what it meant though).
23. I rearrange other people's toilet paper when the roll is facing up instead of facing down.
24. I can play the clarinet very poorly despite being first clarinet less than a decade ago.
25. I believe almost any food tastes better between two slices of bread.
26. I am named after a character from Degrassi High.
27. I am right-handed but I bat and fence with my left hand.
28. I love horse-back riding but cannot stand English style.
29. I used to eat insects for money when I was at summer camp.
30. I don't only disagree with prejudice, I don't understand it at all.
31. I have an idealized view of marriage because of my idealized view of my parents' marriage.
32. I cannot stand flip-flops or leggings.
33. I imagine Ellen Degeneres is as awesome in real life as she is on television.
34. I used to ride a bisexual horse named Babe (she had a girlfriend named Lady and a boyfriend named Balboa.
35. I was once defecated upon by an iguana in a library.
36. I am collecting godchildren for my own personal army.

A List of Fifty-One More Things About Me

1. I only look up lyrics on songmeanings.net.


2. I cried the first, and second, time I watched the Exorcist.


3. I used to cut myself at church and at school but not at home.


4. I will never wear cat ears.


5. I read each Harry Potter book, after the first, on the day it came out.


6. I can get carried away for hours cruising Wikipedia.


7. I have gone to six different high schools.


8. I have never, and will never, pay for porn (then again, I've bought a couple copies of Maxim, haha).


9. I love taking pictures of churches, trees, and water.


10. I play Pokemon Blue all the way through at least once every couple of months.


11. I cry when I hear "Edelweiss" from the Sound of Music.


12. I received a plaque from the Truro Public Library for reading more books than anyone else, the summer I was ten.


13. I hate the color yellow.


14. I like being called pet names.


15. I think "When Harry Met Sally" is a great love story.


16. I can't sleep alone unless I'm heavily medicated.


17. I hate clubs but love bars.


18. I like being bruised.


19. I cannot imagine doing a job I didn't like for the rest of my life.


20. I don't really like sandwiches in general but I love grilled cheese sandwiches.


21. I have a Harry Potter blanket that I cannot sleep without.


22. I don't intend to ever get my driver's license.


23. I dislike dogs.


24. I love body lotion and have, like, fifteen different bottles.


25. I used to have a Furby and I was legitimately terrified of it.


26. I like washing, drying, and folding laundry but hate putting it away.


27. I can spell "antidisestablishmentarianism" out loud very quickly.


28. I delete most of my Facebook friends about once a year.


29. I want nothing more than to be mentioned in the Director's Oscar acceptance speech.


30. I used to be on the dive team (Chlorine makes me break out in hives).


31. I am afraid of goats because one bit me when I was little.


32. I have several exes to whom I am closer since our romantic relationships finished.


33. I like beer but dislike people who drink beer.


34. I always have at least one bottle of hydrogen peroxide and one bottle of rubbing alcohol in my house.


35. I always wear a piece of black string around my wrist.


36. I read good poetry and write bad poetry.


37. I am really excited when my exes get engaged/married or have babies.


38. I would not survive a zombie apocalypse.


39. I often had crushes on my high school teachers.


40. I hate clothes and shopping (clothes shopping, worst chore in history).


41. I like washing dishes but not drying dishes (dish rack for the win).


42. I have had four kittens, Molly, Tigger, Sundae, and Stanley Kenneth Johann Bayer.


43. I haven't worn a bathing suit in at least five years.


44. I have made some of my closest friends online.


45. I hate fruit punch.


46. I like playing dress-up games online.


47. I won a jump-roping contest when I was nine.


48. I have never understood the fear of clowns, the dark, or spiders.


49. I like listing things.


50. I never got an average mark in high school, only over ninety and under forty.


51. I got only band-aids one year for Christmas.
    

A List of Ninety-Nine Things About Me

1. I am allergic to kiwi (the fruit, not the bird).
   
2. I could look at photos of baby animals for hours.
   
3. I am afraid of corn (yes, the vegetable).
   
4. I have a birthmark shaped like a six-point star.
   
5. I drink vodka and club soda with no ice.
   
6. I prefer Hawaiian pizza.
   
7. I like anime and sometimes wish I were a cute, little anime girl.
   
8. I like the color pink and the color turquoise.
   
9. I would wear only black if I actually bought clothes.
   
10. I had a huge crush on Gabrielle, from Xena:Warrior Princess, when I was four.
    
11. I think Stephen King is a god.
    
12. I don't drink milk (it's gross and makes me nauseous).
    
13. I am having an affair with the internet.
    
14. I smoke Viceroy cigarettes when I'm really poor and Export A cigarettes when I'm less poor.
    
15. I used to wear at least an inch of black eyeliner (this is potentially an exaggeration).
    
16. I prefer white cream soda as mix and pink cream soda on its own.
    
17. I thought I was a lesbian until I was fifteen.
    
18. I could play Oblivion all day, every day, at never get bored.
    
19. I have only one secret.
    
20. I think that bacon cheeseburgers are the perfect food.
    
21. I would move to the States if Stephen Colbert was elected President (and for no other reason).
    
22. I like cats but my pet cat, Alice, hates me.
    
23. I never graduated from high school (perhaps I never will).
    
24. I drink coffee when I'm high, homeless, or suffering from severe insomnia and tea the rest of the time.
    
25. I am pretty sure that Phineas and Ferb is the best children's animated show on television right now.
    
26. I never drink chocolate milk, ever.
    
27. I have a more scars than I could count if I wanted to do so.
    
28. I have three younger sisters (Jennifer, eighteen, Rachel, ten, and Leah, eight).
    
29. I like food with high salt content but I never add salt to food.
    
30. I used to smoke more than three packs of cigarettes a day and now I smoke less than half of a pack a day.
    
31. I like Twilight (please don't tell).
    
32. I have a fairly large library and it is in a pile all over the floor of my second bedroom.
    
33. I listen to only country music when I'm cleaning.
    
34. I have never liked a movie adaptation better than the book from which it was adapted.
    
35. I take medication for obsessive-compulsive disorder and now I'm pretty much physically incapable of cleaning.
    
36. I am afraid of cellophane (like, plastic wrap).
    
37. I cannot not read an entire novel (I am, however, incapable of reading the Witching Hour by Anne Rice).
    
38. I would like to name my children Kaileigh Iris, Susannah Rose, and Edward Dean.
    
39. I am going to marry my ex if neither of us is married by the age of thirty-five.
    
40. I don't vote because I don't agree with the illegality of spoiling your ballot.
    
41. I had some of the best times of my life in Reach for the Top.
    
42. I was almost seventeen the first time I smoked pot.
    
43. I like crazy, dangly, jangly, "old lady" earrings.
    
44. I want a hedgehog, a horse, and a tarantula.
    
45. I like baking and cooking in the middle of the night.
    
46. I don't like eggs but of late all I want to eat is eggs.
    
47. I can typically only type 40 - 50 words per minute.
    
48. I don't like cut flowers but my favorite flowers are irises, lilies, and wild roses.
    
49. I am tagged in 1800 photos on Facebook and I only like about thirty of them.
    
50. I don't intend to ever have a cellular telephone.
    
51. I want to eat potato chips almost all of the time.
    
52. I think that nine is the perfect number because it is three times three.
    
53. I like apple crisp, cheesecake, and date squares better than all other desserts combined.
    
54. I listen to an eclectic mix of music but the Mountain Goats and Wintersleep are my very favorites.
    
55. I really like writing short stories and haikus.
    
56. I have moved more times than I can count.
    
57. I listen to the CBC Radio 2 exclusively (I don't listen to the radio very often).
    
58. I am quite certain that making out is the most fun activity in which two people can engage.
    
59. I hate Scrabble even though I'm very good at it.
    
60. I honestly believe that it is actually impossible to have sex while listening to Frank Zappa.
    
61. I love watching other people play video games.
    
62. I hang out with artists and musicians because I cannot "do" art or music.
    
63. I have written three novels and no one will ever read them.
    
64. I only wear make-up because my mother thinks I'm prettier with it.
    
65. I can't imagine having dark or short hair.
    
66. I passed grade nine physical education by spinning in circles all class, every class (srsly).
    
67. I have broken my nose three times.
    
68. I like asparagus, broccoli, brussel sprouts, and cauliflower.
    
69. I want to move to South America and take care of sloths.
    
70. I really like Grey's Anatomy and House but I would never want to be a doctor.
    
71. I think that regardless of whether or not the Bible is true, it's a damn good story.
    
72. I was home-schooled for most of my childhood.
    
73. I almost only wear black lingerie.
    
74. I have blue eyes but they turn green when I am angry.
    
75. I think that "You Belong to Me" is the most romantic song in history.
    
76. I like Disney movies more now than I did as a child.
    
77. I can't sing but I sing almost constantly (sorry listeners).
    
78. I no longer use MSN and was, until recently, unaware that anyone did anymore.
    
79. I dislike the Top 40 immensely but I have to admit it is captivating catchy.
    
80. I really like that people close to me call me "Kiki".
    
81. I love punctuation but hate exclamation points.
    
82. I read the Harry Potter series at least once a month (the entire series in three days is my record).
    
83. I was accepted to Mensa.
    
84. I wanted to be an archaeologist, a ballerina, a firefighter, a nurse, and a hippopotamus when I was a child.
    
85. I prefer to watch television shows on DVD.
    
86. I love quotes and honestly believe there is a suitable quote for each and every situation in life.
    
87. I like boys who speak in memes.
    
88. I have always wanted to be on an elevator when it stalled.
    
89. I love Theoden and hate Denethor from the Lord of the Rings.
    
90. I am bad at both math and science but I like physics a lot.
    
91. I am the only person I know who likes British comedy.
    
92. I once stayed awake for nine days, completely sober.
    
93. I am pro-choice but I would never choose to abort.
    
94. I like the song of the black-capped chickadee more than any other animals'.
    
95. I like action movie actors better than other actors even though they typically can't act.
    
96. I want to go camping all year except in the summer.
    
97. I am afraid of being sunburnt and burning my tongue.
    
98. I can't catch a ball.
    
99. I am going to quit smoking cigarettes when I get pregnant and not a moment sooner.
    

Her Person (II)

I apologize

For never acknowleding

All you do for me

Jennifer, Kid Sister, Little Sister, My Sister

Smiles

Laughs

Frowns

Tears

Scraped palms

Bruised elbows

Scratched knees

Blistered heels

Cold, white winters

Wet, green springs
Hot, yellow summers

Dry, red autumns

The sun rises high

The moon shines light

The clouds float low

The stars shine bright

The Director (II)

I lie awake like I used to do

In the days before you let me go

When I waited still for you to come to me

For you to come into my bed

And hold me close against your skin

And make me warm

I lie alone like I used to do

In the days after you left

When I waited still for you to return

For you to change your mind

And turn around and run to me

And fall into my arms

Imelda

It's been a decade at least
Since our affair
We spent only months together
Years and years ago
And yet even now
I hear certain songs
And there you are
A blast from the past
And so I write you a poem
Though I'm far from poetic
Because there is no other way
To tell you the truth

I miss you

Her Person

She had thought that writing him
a poem would be fun
but even though she thought so
she didn't write him one
he thought she was a liar
and a poem had to rhyme
so he would just shoot it down
and she didn't have the time

James Lipton/Bernard Pivot Questionnaire (2011)

What is your favorite word?
"Fortitude" and "solidarity" are two good ones. Also, "argumentative".

What is your least favorite word?
"Dope".

What is your favorite drug?
Dope. *cough* Crack. *cough*

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
The internet.

What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Intolerance.

What is your favorite curse word?
"Cunt".

What sound or noise do you love?
Birds singing.

What sound or noise do you hate?
Hollering, screaming, and yelling.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Employed.

What profession would you not like to do?
Sex line operator.

If you were reincarnated as another plant or animal, what would it be?
A sloth.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"I told you so."

The Director

On cue, the actress crosses the stage
She stands on her marker
A small piece of tape
The edges peeling from the floor

The actor is standing opposite her
His hands raised
The Director motions to him
It's his cue to kiss her

His hands are raised to caress her face
He dismisses the script
He reaches out and strikes her
Hot blood rushing to her cheeks

The Director stares on the scene
Hiding behind the wing, stage right
The production has gone sour
The taste of bile

The actor exits stage left
The Director crosses the stage
Stands on his marker
Hands caressing the actress' burning flesh

The actress' eyes are filled with bitter tears
She is humiliated and hurt
She feels the Director's hands on her warm cheeks
She knows the show will go on

Proust Questionnaire (2011)

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Guilt and shame.

Where would you like to live?
Canada.

What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Sex and a cigarette.

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Sloth.

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
The male characters of the Ka-Tet of the Nineteen and Ninety-Nine and the Losers Club.

Who are your favorite characters in history?
Yo mama.

Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
My paternal grandmother.

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
The female characters of Ka-Tet of the Nineteen and Ninety-Nine and the Losers Club.

Your favorite artist?
Mine Karatay, of late.

Your favorite musician?
Mountain Goats, Thrice, and Wintersleep.

The quality you most admire in a man?
Humility.

The quality you most admire in a woman?
Honesty.

Your favorite virtue?
Tolerance.

Your favorite occupation?
Reading, writing, and smoking cigarettes.

Who would you have liked to be?
Someone important.

Your most marked characteristic?
I have many scars.

What do you most value in your friends?
Patience.

What is your principle defect?
Infidelity.

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
To remain forever unforgiven.

What would you like to be?
Faithful.

What is your favorite color?
Pink and turquoise.

What is your favorite flower?
Irises and lilies.

What is your favorite bird?
Black-capped chickadees.

Who are your favorite prose writers?
Steven King and Kurt Vonnegut.

Who are your favorite poets?
Jewel Kilcher and Alden Nowlan. Also, the Director.

Who are your heroes in real life?
My father.

Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis and Eleanor Roosevelt.

What are your favorite names?
Kaileigh Iris, Susannah Rose, and Edward Dean.

What is it you most dislike?
Insensitivity.

What historical figures do you most despise?
Robert E. Lee.

What event in military history do you most admire?
I don't admire violence.

What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Determination and motivation.

How would you like to die?
In the arms of someone who loves me.

What is your present state of mind?
Conflicted.

What is your motto?
I've always wished I could live by this quote: "I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer." - Colette, the Last of Cheri